I can’t believe it’s the middle of November already. My oldest baby is almost 7, I have four children and I’m a week from my due date with our fifth (a boy, if I never mentioned that before). I’m beginning to think false labor is going to be a daily thing this time around, have no real meals in the freezer, have a “to do” list longer than I care to think about and nesting has not set in. Big sections of my home are not unpacked from our August move, even bigger sections remain unorganized, and I have no immediate plans to change that. Did I mention my energy level is on the low side and homeschooling and training these littles takes a lot of it.
I don’t share these things to say I’m discouraged… it’s just reality. Of course I have my moments and my days when I want to give up entirely. To tell you the truth though, I’m actually kind of ok with the fact that I’m using white flour from the store, serving my family frozen pizza and tatter tots, and that hot dogs are a regular on our menu. Kind of. At least it means we’re not eating out so much… this can’t be less healthy than the places we were eating. Not to mention the time and money it’s saving!
It’s not all so bad as it sounds. I used that white flour to make my family buttermilk biscuits for breakfast one morning (not a normal thing, so don’t think too much of me) and the other night when I served hot dogs, there were 3-4 sides (something important to my husband, but that rarely happens).
I try to be transparent here. I want you to see the way things really are in the hopes that you’ll be encouraged that your life isn’t all that different. Hard is normal. Survival is normal. Sometimes feeling hopeless is normal. I’ve had days in the last couple months where I’ve given up what is usually so important to me. But I also see God working in my family and things are changing around here… in ways bigger than food choices and schedules.
I have enjoyed this blog over the years. I love sharing what we’re doing and what the Lord is teaching me as I chase these babies. It seems though, that life is bigger right now than blogging. I’d rather sit and listen to my girl practice reading, cuddle with my baby while she’s still the baby, tickle my three year old on the kitchen floor until he can’t breathe (figuratively speaking of course… kind of), share Bible study moments with my 6 year old, potty train, incorporate more exciting breakfasts than oatmeal into our week, design our future garden, clear away the chaos to create a little spot of beauty in my kitchen and so much more… rather than stop to take a picture and tell about it.
The Lord has been challenging me (through books I’m reading to the kids of all things) to take my prayer life and time in His Word more seriously. I’d rather set aside a big chunk of nap time to pray than to have time at the computer. I’m enjoying time mulling over a few verses of Scripture instead of reading most of the blogs that come through on my feed. It isn’t always easy for me to do these things, but it’s a discipline I think is worth working on.
I have clothes to sew, quilts to finish, baby leg warmers to crochet, dinners to plan and make, bathrooms to clean, and children to train up in the way in which they should go. To tell you the truth, I don’t know how so many moms of many have the time to blog. What I do know is that each of us is different, and what the Lord asks of each of us is different. It’s not that you or I can or can’t keep up as well as the rest… not at all. It’s just that I. can’t. do. it. And I’m okay with that!
I’ve considered a number of times over the last couple years whether I should continue blogging or let it go. Each time I’ve kept at it, going from barely posting to a renewed vigor to step it up and do it “right”. I’m there again. This time I know I can’t blog right now (I don’t even want too), but I’m not ready to say forever (I enjoy it too much). So in lieu of making a decision, I’ll be taking the rest of the year off. It won’t be much different than the past 4-5 months, but it will be guilt free.
No expectations, no disappointments, no failures. Just time and attention turned toward my growing family.
I’ll seek sweet communion with my Lord, enjoy my family, welcome another sweet little one and care for him around the clock. I’ll celebrate gratitude and the birth of Jesus as intentionally and simply as possible. Then, as the new year approaches, I’ll wait to see what the Lord asks of me, where he leads me, and what my new phase of life (life with 5) is going to look like.
Until then, I pray you are blessed in your service of our King!